Done

No matter what I do I’m in the wrong and I’m done.

I love, I’m wrong 

I try, I’m wrong

I breathe, I’m wrong

Now I’m done.

I’m done breathing, I’m done feeling, I’m done living.

Why can’t time rewind to when live was vibrant, the air was sweet, and all I felt was loved and wanted.

Things ended, and I thought I was done with you. But I will never be done loving you.

I try to cultivate a feeling, a thought for, an attraction to, but now I’m done

I thought I got off one roller coaster, but all I did was get on another and my stomach is sick , so all I do is cry.

So I’m done. 

I’ll let my feelings crumble to dust and I will sit here to turn to stone

I’ll let Mother Nature take over and let her cover me with moss as her only attempt to envelope me back into her arms. 

Goodbye to everything, I’m done.

Meteor showers

Every shooting star I saw I made a wish 

“I just want to be happy” 

“I just want to be happy”

“I just want to be happy”

How does a waning moon say goodbye to the rising sun. She listens to the shooting stars….

“You’re perfect, you make me happy, you’re wonderful”

But as they fade so does she. 

Gone in a blink of an eye.

Sweet words only pale in comparison to the bright rays of the morning sun and the warmth he provides

Why do I feel so empty.

Happiness is only an illusion and I’m still here waiting for the next night to consume me.

Nothing compares, nothing seems to matter.

Are you happy? Are you moving forward?

I only hope that your feet keeps moving, one right in front of the other.

Maybe I’m just a shooting star, only shining for just a moment and the next I’ll be gone.

I’m not your moon after all.

A little fall of rain can hardly hurt me now

My eyes have cried oceans, and now I’m drowning 

Learning how to sleep again without you breaks me a little more

And so I’m awake.

I’m always awake

And I always feel at the brink of tears.

I love you, but it feels like you only wanted to go the distance after I started walking without you 

I just wanted you to be mine

War

Her heart and mind are at war. It is bloody, destructive and never ending. 

Every word is like an arrow to her chest and she desperately begs for more. But her mind lays a heavy blow of reality that ceases her heartbeat once and for all.

Of course this heart want to envelope you into her arms to never let go. 

She wants to run as fast as her legs can carry her whether it’s one mile or a thousand. 

Her eyes wish to gaze into those beautiful, warm eyes and never have them stray, in fear that they will miss something.

Her hands wish to hold the one body that holds everything precious to her…

It’s her brain that pulls the emergency brake.

It replays the constant reminder of what has passed and the fear of the future. It’s reminds the heart that maybe she has gone too soft, of the ocean her eyes have released large enough to swallow her whole, and the hands that maybe holding onto herself is ok too. And finally tells the legs to slow down, to walk a little and enjoy the surroundings before you reach the destination. 

But as the dust settles and the war fades into the background the last remaining piece from her brain whispers,” you’ll be ok, and you will find your way back. If it was meant to be……..”

If only it stopped the ache from the hole her heart left as it lost the war.

Field of lost things

“Let’s go in the garden, you’ll find something waiting. Right there where you left it, lying upside down”

I wait each night for the moon to find me and envelop me in her light to show me the way and to give me strength

But I have grown so tired, every emotion and thought spent and I feel like now I am just a drooping flower waiting for the last of my petals to fall

I close my eyes and find myself dreaming of my garden

A field of color, of hopes and dreams, of joy and happiness

As I lay there in my field of lost things I now yearn for

As I lay there I beg for the warmth of the bright sun to warm my skin and wait for it to soak through me down to my bones
I hold a flower to my lips, eager and desperate for the soft touch I have known for so long and now ache for to find all I hold is an empty stem

I look around me and find my garden has wilted around me, abandoned and gone. The only heat found in the letter still warm from its long journey that I have wrapped myself in

Wake up, your dream is ending

Find your feet, stand up, start walking

Don’t be afraid to plant new flowers

But be patient you will find paradise even if you must come back to it

wait for the perennials to bloom

Thats why you planted them in the first place 

They will come back to you

You will have your garden once more

Hello moon

All I wanted was for you to be mine

But all it seemed like you wanted was for me to be committed to you without the commitment, at least until you left. 

Why did it take for me to be done for you to say you wanted me?

Or where you drunk….. No I know you werent

But I don’t know anything anymore

What I do know is that every part of my being misses you 

So now I smoke until my lungs give out just so I can feel something more, that this pain is at least something purely if my own doing

The moon is my only love and friend and even she is hiding from me. 

Did I reach you?

I will wait for the day you bring back my bottle, full of the lessons and experiences you have gained

And hopefully of the love you still possess

For my love is carefully wrapped in a blanket to rest until you, my prince, my god among men to awaken me from my slumber

Will you return for me?

I’m out of cigarettes 

I hope this reaches you

I will leave my heart at the door

And let my feet take me wherever they wander until they are bruised and bleeding.

They are still bruised and bleeding.

I have been waiting for my loves letter for months, wondering if I am missing it as each shooter star fades before me.

I can’t keep waiting, I can’t continue to be kept frozen in stone

You say that we were on this roller coaster together but I don’t think you get it

You know my feelings, or at least I thought you did.

But every time I was with you the butterflies in my stomach were fluttering with the up and downs of the “I love you, but you shouldnt wait for me”

After a while I finally found the voice in my heart to say why not another try. Let him go, if it was meant to be…

I will have that drink because who knows what will happen in the end, but for now I can’t keep waiting.

And now that the shooting star letter I have long awaited for has finally pierced my soul I am forced back into my own body, I can finally stop walking and I can finally be certain in what will come from this.

But here is my letter to you my love. I will place it in a bottle to float to you and hopefully it will reach you when the time is right…

” to my love, my heart, my life, my soul, my everything,

I have loved you, I still love you, and I will always love you. I am only the pillar of strength because you were there holding me upright, and now that things have crumbled I must take things as they are. So years from now I promise we will have that drink if you still want it, but don’t worry your pinkys are still your own. I have dreamed of being given your last name, of little children with my nose and your eyes running around without a care in the world from the immense amount of love that we would shower them in. Of our old wrinkled hands still intwined when our feet can no longer carry us. I have wanted that since the day I desperately searched for the mysterious flower man the night your lips met mine. That dream never stopped, my hope never ended. My heart still reaches for you. I have a new hope now; I hope you will call me when(or if) you return, I hope that somewhere deep down in your heart there is still a spot with my name on it. I hope that we are both in places that allow for us to find a start to our lives and that we will find that start together. I hope that they really have your eyes, but most of all I just hope that you will come back to me. 

I cannot garuntee that I will wait for you but please know that my heart will always have you in it. 

Goodbye my love, hopefully this is not the end for us

Forever yours,

Burly Benjamin”